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tribute: Hogfather

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I changed the first quote to use the American spelling (snowplow vs
snowplough) found in the edition I have on hand.

Passages for several more books are still queued up.  Transcribing them
is very tedious.
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2015-09-20 16:31:25 -07:00
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@@ -1896,23 +1896,275 @@ them. [...]"
# #
# #
# #
%title Hogfather (1) %title Hogfather (10)
# p. 1 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 1 %passage 1
#addition text contributed by Boudewijn Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree.
Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree.
But people have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of But people have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of
things. They wonder how the snowplough driver gets to work, or how the things. They wonder how the snowplow driver gets to work, or how the
makers of dictionaries look up the spelling of words. Yet there is the makers of dictionaries look up the spelling of words. Yet there is the
constant desire to find some point in the twisting, knotting, ravelling constant desire to find some point in the twisting, knotting, raveling
nets of space-time on which a metaphorical finger can be put to indicate nets of space-time on which a metaphorical finger can be put to indicate
that here, /here/, is the point where it all began . . . that here, /here/, is the point where it all began ...
/Something/ began when the Guild of Assassins enrolled Mister Teatime, /Something/ began when the Guild of Assassins enrolled Mister Teatime,
who saw things differently from other people, and one of the ways that who saw things differently from other people, and one of the ways that
he saw things differently from other people was in seeing other people he saw things differently from other people was in seeing other people
as things (later, Lord Downey of the Guild said, 'We took pity on him as things (later, Lord Downey of the Guild said, "We took pity on him
because he'd lost both parents at an early age. I think that, on because he'd lost both parents at an early age. I think that, on
reflection, we should have wondered a bit more about that.') reflection, we should have wondered a bit more about that.")
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 28-29
%passage 2
If asked to describe what they did for a living, the five men around the
table would have said something like "This and that" or "The best I can,"
although in Banjo's case he'd probably have said "Dur?" They were, by the
standards of an uncaring society, criminals, although they wouldn't have
thought of themselves as such and couldn't even /spell/ words like
"nefarious." What they generally did was move things around. Sometimes
the things were on the wrong side of a steel door, or in the wrong house.
Sometimes the things were in fact people who were far too unimportant to
trouble the Assassins' Guild with, but who were nevertheless inconveniently
positioned where they were and would be much better located on, for
example, a sea bed somewhere.(1) None of the five belonged to any formal
guild and they generally found their clients among those people who, for
their own dark reasons, didn't want to put the guilds to any trouble,
sometimes because they were guild members themselves. They had plenty of
work. There was always something that needed transferring from A to B or,
of course, to the bottom of the C.
(1) Chickenwire had got his name from his own individual contribution to
the science of this very specialized "concrete overshoe" form of waste
disposal. An unfortunate drawback of the process was the tendency for
bits of the client to eventually detach and float to the surface, causing
much comment among the general poplation. Enough chicken wire, he pointed
out, would solve that, while also allowing the ingress of crabs and fish
going about their vital recycling activities.
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 109-110
%passage 3
Although it was Hogswatch the University buildings were bustling. Wizards
didn't go to bed early in any case,(1) and of course there was the
Hogswatchnight Feast to look forward to at midnight.
It would give some idea of the scale of the Hogswatchnight Feast that a
light snack at UU consisted of three or four courses, not counting the
cheese and nuts.
Some of the wizards had been practicing for weeks. The Dean in particular
could now lift a twenty-pound turkey on one fork. Having to wait until
midnight merely put a healthy edge on appetites already professionally
honed.
(1) Often they lived to a time scale to suit themselves. Many of the
senior ones, of course, lived entirely in the past, but several were like
the Professor of Anthropics, who had invented an entire temporal system
based on the belief that all the other ones were a mere illusion.
Many people are aware of the Weak and Strong Anthropic Principles. The
Weak One says, basically, that it was jolly amazing of the universe to be
constructed in such a way that humans could evolve to a point where they
could make a living in, for example, universities, while the Strong One
says that, on the contrary, the whole point of the universe was that
humans should not only work in universities, but also write for huge sums
books with words like "Cosmic" and "Chaos" in the titles.(2)
The UU Professor of Anthropics had developed the Special and Inevitable
Anthropic Principle, which was that the entire reason for the existence of
the universe was the eventual evolution of the UU Professor of Anthropics.
But this was only a formal statement of the theory which absolutely
everyone, with only some minor details of a "Fill in name here" nature,
secretly believes to be true.
(2) And they are correct. The universe clearly operates for the benefit
of humanity. This can be readily seen by the convenient way the sun comes
up in the morning, when people are ready to start the day.
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 112-113 (we end this passage mid-paragraph...)
%passage 4
"Watch this, sir," said Ponder. "All right, Adrian, initialize the GBL."
"How do you do that, then?" said Ridcully, behind him.
"It ... it means pull the great big lever," Ponder said, reluctantly.
"Ah. Takes less time to say."
Ponder sighed. "Yes, that's right, Archchancellor."
He nodded to one of the students, who pulled a large red lever marked "Do
Not Pull." Gears spun, somewhere inside Hex. Little trapdoors opened in
the ant farms and millions of ants began to scurry along the networks of
glass tubing. Ponder tapped at the huge wooden keyboard.
"Beats me how you fellows remember how to do all this stuff," said Ridcully,
still watching him with what Ponder considered to be amused interest.
"Oh, it's largely intuitive, Archchancellor," said Ponder. "Obviously you
have to spend a lot of time learning it first, though. [...]"
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 139-140
%passage 5
"Tell me, Senior Wrangler, we never invited any /women/ to the
Hogswatchnight Feast, did we?"
"Of course not, Archchancellor," said the Senior Wrangler. He looked up
in the dust-covered rafters, wondering what had caught the Archchancellor's
eye. "Good heavens, no. They'd spoil everything. I've always said so."
"And all the maids have got the evening off until midnight?."
"A very generous custom, I've always said," said the Senior Wrangler,
feeling his neck crick.
"So why, every year, do we hang a damn great bunch of mistletoe up there?"
The Senior Wrangler turned in a circle, still looking upward.
"Well, er ... it's well, it's ... it's symbolic, Archchancellor."
"Ah?"
The Senior Wrangler felt that something more was expected. He groped
around in the dusty attics of his education.
"Of ... the leaves, d'y'see ... they're symbolic of ... of green, d'y'see,
whereas the berries, in fact, yes, the berries symbolize ... symbolize
white. Yes. White and green. Very ... symbolic."
He waited. He was not, unfortunately, disappointed.
"What of?"
The Senior Wrangler coughed.
"I'm not sure there /has/ to be an /of/," he said.
"Ah? So," said the Archchancellor thoughtfully, "it could be said that
the white and green symbolize a small parasitic plant?"
"Yes, indeed," said the Senior Wrangler.
"So mistletoe, in fact, symbolizes mistletoe?"
"Exactly, Archchancellor," said the Senior Wrangler, who was now just
hanging on.
"Funny thing, that," said Ridcully, in the same thoughful tone of voice.
"That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully
comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute
tosh. Which is it, I wonder?"
"It could be both," said the Senior Wrangler desperately.
"And /that/ comment," said Ridcully, "is either very perceptive or very
trite."
"It could be bo--"
"Don't push it, Senior Wrangler."
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 170 ([sic], sentence at end of paragraph should have fourth period)
%passage 6
What Ponder was worried about was the fear that he was simply engaged in a
cargo cult. He'd read about them. Ignorant(1) and credulous(2) people,
whose island might once have been visited by some itinerant merchant
vessel that traded pearls and coconuts for such fruits of civilization as
glass beads, mirrors, axes, and sexual diseases, would later make big model
ships out of bamboo in the hope of once again attracting this magical
cargo. Of course, they were far too ignorant and credulous to know that
just because you built the shape you didn't get the substance ...
(1) Ignorant: the state of not knowing what a pronoun is, or how to find
the square root of 27.4, and merely knowing childish and useless things
like which of the seventy almost identical-looking species of the purple
sea snake are the deadly ones, how to treat the poisonous pith of the
Sago-sago tree to make a nourishing gruel, how to foretell the weather by
the movements of the tree-climbing Burglar Crab, how to navigate across
a thousand miles of featureless ocean by means of a piece of string and a
small clay model of your grandfather, how to get essential vitamins from
the liver of the ferocious Ice Bear, and other such trivial matters. It's
a strange thing that when everyone becomes educated, everyone knows about
the pronoun but no one knows about the Sago-sago.
(2) Credulous: having views about the world, the universe and humanity's
place in it that are shared only by very unsophisticated people and the
most intelligent and advanced mathematicians and physicists.
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 244 (mantelpiece: it's dark and Ponder is checking whether the Hogfather
# [Discworld analog of Santa Claus/Father Christmas] has been there
# and left presents in the stocking the Librarian has hung)
%passage 7
There was silence again, and then a clang. The Librarian grunted in his
sleep.
"What are you doing?"
"I just knocked over the coal shovel."
"Why are feeling around on the mantelpiece?"
Oh, just ... you know, just ... just looking. A little ... experiment.
After all, you never know."
"You never know what?"
"Just ... never know, you know."
"/Sometimes/ you know," said Ridcully. "I think I know quite a lot that
I didn't used to know. It's amazing what you /do/ end up knowing, I
sometimes think. I often wonder what new stuff I'll know."
"Well, you never know."
"That's a fact."
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 330
%passage 8
IT GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN, LIFE, said Death, stepping forward. SPEAKING
METAPHORICALLY, OF COURSE. IT'S A HABIT THAT'S HARD TO GIVE UP. ONE PUFF
OF BREATH IS NEVER ENOUGH. YOU'LL FIND YOU WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER.
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 336
%passage 9
HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL
MEETS THE RISING APE.
"Tooth Fairies? Hogfathers? Little--"
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE /LITTLE/
LIES.
"So we can believe the big ones?"
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 343 (Mr. Teatime [pronounced Teh-ah-tim-eh] has just been thwarted in
# his elabrate plot to lure and then kill Death)
%passage 10
"What did he do it all for?" said Susan. "I mean, why? Money? Power?"
SOME PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THE SHEER FASCINATION OF DOING IT, said
Death. OR THE FAME. OR BECAUSE THEY SHOULDN'T.
[Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett] [Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage %e passage
@@ -2578,9 +2830,9 @@ looking at.
# Used for interaction with Death. # Used for interaction with Death.
# #
%section Death %section Death
%title Death Quotes (7) %title Death Quotes (8)
%passage 1 %passage 1
WHERE THE FIRST PRIMAL CELL WAS, THERE WAS I ALSO. WHERE MAN IS, THERE AM I. WHEN THE LAST LIFE CRAWLS UNDER FREEZING STARS, THERE WILL I BE. WHERE THE FIRST PRIMAL CELL WAS, THERE WAS I ALSO. WHERE MAN IS, THERE AM I. WHEN THE LAST LIFE CRAWLS UNDER FREEZING STARS, THERE WILL I BE.
%e passage %e passage
# Feet of Clay, p. 17 (Harper Torch edition) # Feet of Clay, p. 17 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 2 %passage 2
@@ -2588,7 +2840,7 @@ I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. /I/ TURN UP ONLY ONCE.
%e passage %e passage
# Men at Arms, p. 27 (Harper Torch edition) # Men at Arms, p. 27 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 3 %passage 3
THINK OF IT MORE AS BEING ... DIMESIONALLY DISADVANTAGED. THINK OF IT MORE AS BEING ... DIMENSIONALLY DISADVANTAGED.
%e passage %e passage
# Soul Music, p. 146 (Harper Torch edition; we omit "said Death," after comma) # Soul Music, p. 146 (Harper Torch edition; we omit "said Death," after comma)
%passage 4 %passage 4
@@ -2607,5 +2859,9 @@ PLEASE DO NOT PANIC. YOU ARE MERELY DEAD.
%passage 7 %passage 7
THERE IS A LITTLE CONFUSION AT FIRST. IT IS ONLY TO BE EXPECTED. THERE IS A LITTLE CONFUSION AT FIRST. IT IS ONLY TO BE EXPECTED.
%e passage %e passage
# Hogfather, p. 343 (Harper Torch edition; Death "lives" outside of normal
# time and space)
%passage 8
THERE IS ALWAYS TIME FOR ANOTHER LAST MINUTE.
%e title %e title
%e section %e section