tribute: Making Money

dat/tribute

@@ -4530,37 +4530,308 @@ helmet, especially if someone was hitting /you/ with a sword.
 #
 #
 #
-%title Making Money (3)
+%title Making Money (17)
+# p. 187 (Harper edition -- what's become of Harper Torch?)
 %passage 1
-Making Money, by Terry Pratchett
-'I'm an Igor, thur. We don't athk quethtionth.'
-'Really? Why not?'
-'I don't know, thur. I didn't athk.'
+"I'm an Igor, thur.  We don't athk quethtionth."
+
+"Really?  Why not?"
+
+"I don't know, thur.  I didn't athk."
 
   [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
 %e passage
+# p. 177 (originally transcribed from some other edition; Harper edition
+#         uses American spelling for "armor")
+#        [some off-duty Watchman moonlight as bank security guards]
 %passage 2
- The Watch armour fitted like a glove. He'd have preferred it to fit like a
- helmet and breastplate. It was common knowledge that the Watch's approach
- to uniforms was one-size-doesn't-exactly-fit-anybody, and that Commander
- Vimes disapproved of armour that didn't have that kicked-by-trolls look.
-
- He liked it to make it clear that it had been doing its job. 
+The Watch armor he'd lifted from the bank's locker room fitted like a
+glove.  He'd have preferred it to fit like a helmet and breastplate.
+But, in truth, it probably didn't look any better on its owner, currently
+swanking along the corridors in the bank's own shiny but impractical armor.
+It was common knowledge that the Watch's approach to uniforms was one-size-
+doesn't-exactly-fit-anybody, and that Commander Vimes disapproved of armor
+that didn't have that kicked-by-trolls look.  He liked armor to state
+clearly that it had been doing its job.
 
   [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
 %e passage
+# pp. 108 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
 %passage 3
- 'The world is full of things worth more than gold. But we dig the damn
- stuff up and then bury it in a different hole. Where's the sense in that?
- What are we, magpies? Good heavens, /potatoes/ are worth more than gold!'  
- 'Surely not!'   'If you were shipwrecked on a desert island, what would you
- prefer, a bag of potatoes or a bag of gold?'   'Yes, but a desert island
- isn't Ankh-Morpork!'   'And that proves gold is only valuable because we
- agree it is, right? It's just a dream. But a potato is always worth a
- potato, anywhere. A knob of butter and a pinch of salt and you've got a
- meal, /anywhere/. Bury gold in the ground and you'll be worrying about
- thieves for ever. Bury a potato and in due season you could be looking at
- a dividend of a thousand per cent.'   
+"[...]  The world is full of things worth more than gold.  But we dig the
+damn stuff up and then bury it in a different hole.  Where's the sense in
+that?  What are we, magpies?  Good heavens, /potatoes/ are worth more than
+gold!"
+
+"Surely not!"
+
+"If you were shipwrecked on a desert island, what would you prefer, a bag
+of potatoes or a bag of gold?"
+
+"Yes, but a desert island isn't Ankh-Morpork!"
+
+"And that proves gold is only valuable because we agree it is, right?
+It's just a dream.  But a potato is always worth a potato, anywhere.  Add
+a knob of butter and a pinch of salt and you've got a meal, /anywhere/.
+Bury gold in the ground and you'll be worrying about thieves forever.
+Bury a potato and in due season you could be looking at a dividend of a
+thousand per cent."
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# pp. 22-24 (Albert Spangler is one of Moist Lipwig's aliases;
+#            'dyslectic' is accurate)
+%passage 4
+"Let us talk about angels," said Lord Vetinari.
+
+"Oh yes, I know that one," said Moist bitterly.  "I've heard that one.
+That's the one you got me with after I was hanged--"
+
+Vetinari raised an eyebrow.  "Only mostly hanged, I think you'll find.  To
+within an inch of your life."
+
+"Whatever!  I was hanged!  And the worst part of that was finding out I
+only got two paragraphs in the /Tanty Bugle/!(1)  Two paragraphs, may I
+say, for a life of ingenious, inventive, and strictly nonviolent crime?
+I could have been an example to the youngsters!  Page one got hogged by
+the Dyslectic Alphabet Killer, and he only maanaged A and W!"
+
+"I confess the editor does appear to believe that it is not a proper crime
+unless someone is found in three alleys at once, but that is the price of
+a free press.  And it suits us both, does it not, that Albert Spangler's
+passage from this world was... unmemorable?"
+
+"Yes, but I wasn't expecting an afterlife like this!  I have to do what
+I'm told for the rest of my life?"
+
+"Correction, your new life.  That is a crude summary, yes," said Vetinari.
+"Let me rephrase things, however.  Ahead of you, Mr. Lipwig, is a life of
+respectable quiet contentment, of civic dignity, and, of course, in the
+fullness of time, a pension.  Not to mention, of course, the proud gold-ish
+chain."
+
+Moist winced at this.  "And if I /don't/ do what you say?"
+
+"Hmm?  Oh, you misunderstand me, Mr. Lipwig.  That is what will happen to
+you if you decline my offer.  If you accept it, you will survive on your
+wits against powerful and dangerous enemies, with every day presenting
+fresh challanges.  Someone may even try to kill you."
+
+"What?  Why?"
+
+"You annoy people.  A hat goes with the job, incidentally."
+
+(1) A periodical published throughout the Plains, noted for its coverage
+of murder (preferably 'orrible) trials, prison escapes, and the world that
+in general is surrounded by a chalk outline.  Very popular.
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+#p. 71
+%passage 5
+When he got back to the Post Office, Moist looked up the Lavish family in
+/Whom's Whom/.  They were indeed what was known of as "old money," which
+meant that it had been made so long ago that the black deeds which had
+originally filled the coffers were now historically irrelevant.  Funny,
+that:  a brigand for a father was something you kept quiet about, but a
+slave-taking pirate for a great-great-great-grandfather was something to
+boast of over the port.  Time turned the evil bastards into rogues, and
+/rogue/ was a word with a twinkle in its eye and nothing to be ashamed of.
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 72 ('clacks' is a communication system, here analogous to a telegraph)
+%passage 6
+He spotted the flimsy pink clacks among the other stuff and tugged it out
+quickly.
+
+It was from Spike!
+
+He read:
+
+    SUCCESS.  RETURNING DAY AFTER TOMMOROW.
+    ALL WILL BE REVEALED.  S.
+
+Moist put it down carefully.
+
+Obviously she'd missed him terribly and was desperate to see him again, but
+she was stingy about spending Golem Trust money.  Also, she'd probably run
+out of cigarettes.
+
+Moist drummed his fingers on the desk.  A year ago he'd asked Adora Belle
+Dearheart to be his wife, and she'd explained that, in fact, he was going
+to be her husband.
+
+It was going to be... well, it was going to be sometime in the near future,
+when Mrs. Dearheart finally lost patience with her daughter's busy schedule
+and arranged the wedding herself.
+
+But he was a nearly married man, however you looked at it.  And nearly
+married men didn't get mixed up with the Lavish family.  A nearly married
+man was steadfast and dependable and always ready to hand his nearly wife
+an ashtray.  He had to be there for his oneday children, and make sure
+they slept in a well-ventilated nursery.
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 79 (passage starts mid-paragraph; departed Mrs. Lavish is a bank owner)
+%passage 7
+"[...]  Now what, Mr. Death?"
+
+NOW? said Death.  NOW, YOU COULD SAY, COMES... THE AUDIT.
+
+"Oh.  There is one, is there?  Well, I'm not ashamed."
+
+THAT COUNTS.
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# pp. 183-184 (American spelling of 'gray' is accurate)
+%passage 8
+Moist lit the lamp and walked over to the battered wreckage of his wardrobe.
+Once again he selected the tatty gray suit.  It had sentimental value; he
+had been hanged in it.  And it was an unmemorable suit for an unmemorable
+man, with the additional advantage, unlike black, of not showing up in the
+dark.(1)  [...]
+
+(1) Every assassin knew that real black often stood out in the dark,
+because the night in the city is usually never full black, and that gray
+or green merge much better.  But they wore black anyway, because style
+trumps utility every time.
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 218
+%passage 9
+"All right, then," said Moist, "/what does it do/?"
+
+"We don't know."
+
+"How does it work?"
+
+"We don't know."
+
+"Where did it come from?"
+
+"We don't know."
+
+"Well, that seems to be all," said Moist sarcastically.  "Oh no, one last
+one:  what is it?  And let me tell you, I'm agog."
+
+"That may be the wrong sort of question to ask," said Ponder, shaking his
+head.  "Technically it appears to be a classic Bag of Holding but with /n/
+mouths, where /n/ is the number of items in an eleven-dimensional universe,
+which are not currently alive, not pink, and can fit in a cubical drawer
+14.14 inches on a side, divided by P."
+
+"What's P?"
+
+"That may be the wrong sort of question."
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 225 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
+%passage 10
+"[...]  I'll talk to Dr. Hicks.  He's the head of the Department of
+Postmortem Communications."
+
+"Postmortem Com..." Moist began.  "Isn't that the same as necroman--"
+
+"I said the /Department of Postmortem Communications/," said Ponder very
+firmly.  [...]
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 247 (it's a spirit summoned by Dr. Hicks that is describing the risk)
+%passage 11
+"Necromancy is a fine art?" said Moist.
+
+"None finer, young man.  Get things just a tiny bit wrong and the spirits
+of the vengeful dead may enter your head via your ears and blow your brains
+out down your nose."
+
+The eyes of Moist and Adora Belle focused on Dr. Hicks like those of an
+archer on his target.  He waved his hands frantically and mouthed, "Not
+very often!"
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 269
+%passage 12
+"If you can't stand the heat, get off the pot, that's what I always say,"
+said a senior clerk, and there was a general murmur of agreement.
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 264 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
+%passage 13
+[...] if the fundamental occult maxim "as above, so below" was true, then
+so was "as below, so above"...
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 280
+%passage 14
+"In the Old Country we have a thaying," Igor volunteered.
+
+"A what?"
+
+"A thaying.  We thay, 'if you don't want the monthter you don't pull the
+lever.'"
+
+"You don't think I've gone mad, do you, Igor?"
+
+"Many great men have been conthidered mad, Mr. Hubert.  Even Dr. Hanth
+Forvord wath called mad.  But I put it to you:  could a madman have created
+a revolutionary living-brain extractor?"
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 302
+%passage 15
+There was a saying:  "Old necromancers never die."  When he told them this,
+people would say "... and?" and Hicks would have to reply, "That's all of
+it, I'm afraid.  Just 'Old necromancers never die.'"
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 336 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
+%passage 16
+[...]  What the iron maiden was to stupid tyrants, the committee was to
+Lord Vetinari; it was only slightly more expensive,(1) far less messy,
+considerably more efficient, and, best of all, you had to /force/ people
+to climb inside the iron maiden.
+
+(1) The only real expense was tea and biscuits halfway through, which
+seldom happened with the iron maiden.
+
+  [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
+%e passage
+# p. 361 (Mr. Slant is a zombie)
+%passage 17
+"Mrs. Lavish, a lady many of us were privileged to know, recently confided
+in me that she was dying," said Vetinari.  "She asked me for advice on the
+future of the bank, given that her obvious heirs were, in her words, 'as
+nasty a bunch of weasels as you could ever hope not to meet--'"
+
+All thirty-one of the Lavish lawyers stood up and spoke at once, incuring
+a total cost to clients of $AM119.28p.
+
+Mr. Slant glared at them.
+
+Mr. Slant did not, despite what had been said, have the respect of Ankh-
+Morpork's legal profession.  He commanded its fear.  Death had not
+diminished his encyclopedic memory, his guile, his talent for corkscrew
+reasoning, and the vitriol of his stare.  Do not cross me this day, it
+advised the lawyers.  Do not cross me, for if you do I will have the flesh
+from your very bones and the marrow therein.  You know those leather-bound
+tomes you have on the wall behind your desks to impress your clients?  I
+have read them all, and wrote half of them.  Do not try me.  I am not in a
+good mood.
+
+One by one, they sat down.(1)
+
+(1) Total cost, including time and disbursements: $AM253.16p.
 
   [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett]
 %e passage